My first realization was “Forever”.. She was 20, and I have to be without my daughter for so many years. How does a parent. exist after hearing “Your daughter is deceased”? I have no clue. I breathe, my heart beats, but that day, October 27, 2007, changed me. My reason for this blog is to make you understand that the grief of losing a child, cuts your soul like no other loss can. Once you experience it, there is Nothing that will hurt worse.</p
Today I told someone else about my loss. The young mother was holding a baby, a girl, about 18 mos old. I told her that I had had a daughter once, and that she died from a drug overdose. I told her she was named after the song by Boston–Amanda. She said she couldn't imagine. I told her you just do it. It will make you feel, if not go, crazy. But you live on, you don't get over it, and that it has nothing to do with how strong you are. There are still days I have trouble sleeping, or getting through the day with my thoughts of what if? Different scenarios play out in my mind over and over. I have to yell at myself in my mind to make myself STOP thinking about her, about that day, about all of it.